January is a month of getting in order. It feels nice to receive a clean slate. We can make solid, healthy promises to ourselves. This is a new start! No more chaos!
Or?
Order
At the beginning of the new year, I spent almost four hours of my life watching Jordan Peterson guest the Huberman Lab podcast on YouTube.
Two quite influential men, at least they seem to influence a lot of other men (and women), in certain parts of our culture, who take an interest in “working on themselves”, optimizing their lives through fitness and health, but also through popular psychology and science.
I must admit, I have not paid much attention to Jordan Peterson before. If so, it was negative.
I have simply dismissed him. I have plenty of others to lend my ears and eyes to, but now had time to lend them to him as well. I was interested in his takes on psychology, not politics.
So, here they were, engaging in a long-ass conversation, which I found myself quite engaged in, even though I had to pause and listen to it over the course of a few days. So. Many. Words.
My first impression of the appeal of Peterson is that here is someone (a fatherly man) talking at length about life and living, truth and adventure, someone who deeply cares, about emotions and ambitions and spirituality, who connects the worries and joys of your Average Joe (and Jane)´s life to the Big Stories from history and religion.
Now, Average Joe can feel a connection to Jesus or Job or Jonah or Judas. Joe is not alone. Joe has Jordan and Jordan has Joe.
Now, life is more significant, less lonely, and maybe a little less chaotic, for them both. Well, good.
To Peterson, one duality seems fundamental: Order and chaos. Like in his bestselling books “12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos” or “Beyond Order”, none of which I have read (yet). And he links these dualities to the masculine and the feminine, as symbolic, as so many before him.
This battle of order and chaos is about more than “cleaning your room”. It is navigating, balancing, exploring, striving, restoring. And, maybe secretly dreaming about conquering and dominating chaos, with order and control, like a God, no matter how futile that may be.
How do we do that? Well, when reason, logic and the numbers on your smartwatch won´t cut it, how about turning to the good ol´ Bible?
My ears peaked at this particular aspect of the conversation, when Huberman the scientist “admitted” to his new regime of daily prayer and to reading the bible. Peterson, on the other hand, is now selling big with his new book on interpreting the Old Testament.
It turns out, the “gurus” of the so-called “manosphere” (or, are these two a part of it?) pray and discuss the Bible.
Now, I know that the US attitude towards and relationship to religion is quite different than, say, here in Norway. But is this just a natural “next step” for the bros and gals out there, in Western culture in general?
Having optimized everything, from nutrition, sleep, diet and excercise, to mental health and routines for stimulating one´s creativity and intellect? But still dead-scared of, well, dying?
Tired of all this talk about rights (as they kind of have them all), now searching for meaning?
Investigating and meeting spiritual needs are human, and for the good. But I am curious/sceptical of when a spiritual need is being met with religion (which then becomes politics).
When men become religious, it´s not necessarily a good thing for women and women´s rights.
Trying to control women, our bodies, our sexuality, with their holy books (and law) in hand.
I finished the podcast wondering if there is a “spiritual turn” in the manosphere and how that will turn out, both for men and women and queer folks out here.
Chaos
I wondered, then, how Peterson and Huberman would have reacted to the Norwegian film “Armand”, which I watched a few days later.
“Armand” is an intense and claustrophobic drama, now also shortlisted for an Oscar in the International Feature Film category.
The plot is described like this:
Elisabeth is called in to a parent meeting on short notice. Her son is accused of something, but this «something» is unclear. Soon the school principle, school nurse and two other parents join the meeting, which gradually spins out of control.
My first thought: The two lead women characters ARE chaos embodied.
Both the Peterson/Huberman-podcast and this film, by Halfdan Ullmann Tøndel, relates to the archetype of The Feminine as Nature, The Unknown - as Chaos. This movie treats this archetype in an ambiguous way.
The main character is the passionate and unpredictable Elisabeth, in a tremendous performance by Renate Reinsve.
She is loud: Her make-up is too bold, her high heels resounds an echo through the school halls. She laughs hysterically, before crying like a child. Her relation to her own child seems to not be…quite right.
This character is chaotic, and therefore scary, but not as scary as the character of Sarah.
Strict-looking, seemingly in control, albeit also in pain, before we catch a glimpse of something truly sinister about her, maybe even evil.
I was also fascinated by the character who plays the school´s principal. The gray, old man, who represents order, the institution, the one who is supposed to be in control.
But he is not. He struggles with containing his contempt for Elisabeth´s outbursts, mixed with what seems to be a general empathic nature, and maybe a soft spot for Sarah. During Elisabeth´s chaotic laughing-crying, he tells her to stop, while he is sweating profusely.
Please, stop this chaos, man says to woman. Which led me to watch another movie.
Nature and art > online gurus
Before leaving you with a clip from said movie, I am reflecting on soon leaving January behind, feeling safe and comfortable in my well established routines.
I like order. I live in a society which is quite orderly and it works out nice and safe for a lot of people.
I like it when the bus arrives on time for my commute and people line up nicely outside the bus, to let people inside the bus step out, before they enter.
I like to plan out my week in my silly little journal. Even preparing my silly little outfit for the next day, before I go to bed.
I like order, as my mind can be quite chaotic, racing off in different directions at high speed, questioning, exploring, devouring. Which is good, even when it doesn´t feel good.
I need order, to free up brainspace and time for the chaos and the unknown.
And I need strategies for self-discipline, so that I can take good care of myself and my surroundings, in a long-term perspective.
But, again, balance. I can only hope for harmony, not control, trust, not rigidity. And reach for a palette of colors, not just black and white.
So. Can embracing a bit of chaos balance us from the chokehold of self-optimalization, striving for control over every minute and aspect of our short lives here on earth?
An earth which is on fire, drowning, unleashing its chaotic forces over us, as we continue to drain its resources?
Can the best way to make peace with chaos be to actually engage with said earth, get out and literally touch grass and rotten leaves, and be reminded of that hey, we´re all gonna die, and no matter how much we self-optimize or pray or simp to Strong Male Leaders and their Rules, that´s going to happen, at some point?
And/or, can we let art be chaotic as well, like “Armand”?
Art can be messy and alluring, it can seduce and repulse at the same time, and leave us in doubt.
It can shed a light on the innermost corners of our beautiful, contradictory and yucky humanity, and maybe even connect us to something sublime or divine or unconscious.
We can revel in embarassment, disgust and empathy for fictional characters, we can laugh and cry, identify with the stories or motifs, and be confronted with our shadows. Brrr! So good! And painful! Love it!
We can visit an art museum, check out some dreamy, scary Surrealist art, or let ourselves be filled with awe over some Romantic, sublime landscapes. Storms! Shipwrecks!
Or we can listen to Ethel Cain´s new album.
Or rewatch “Antichrist”, like I just did.
I have been thinking about this fox since 2009.